1
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:08,920
Today is myself
and Jock's anniversary.

2
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:11,440
We been best friends for five years.

3
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:14,440
And during that time, neither of us
has been unfaithful.

4
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,160
Here, boy, do you remember when you
asked me to be your best friend?

5
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,440
Of course,
it was about five years ago.

6
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,560
On this very bench.
You were like...

7
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,440
"Do you know...
Do you want to like...

8
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,960
"..be my best friend?
"Only if you want to, like.

9
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,680
"It's no big deal, like"

10
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,400
Fuck you, boy, you didn't exactly
make it easy for me.

11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,840
It took you so long to answer one
simple fucking question.

12
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,240
What's that about?

13
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:37,800
It's a big commitment, like.

14
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,160
Seriously, I've got something
else to say.

15
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:41,840
What?

16
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,680
Sorry, do the two of you fellas mind
putting suncream on our backs?

17
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,240
Do you mind?

18
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,440
We're having a fucking
conversation here.

19
00:00:58,840 --> 00:00:59,880
Jesus Christ.

20
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:05,120
You were saying.
Just close your eyes.

21
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:06,280
Put out your hand.

22
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,360
Don't put your balls in my hand.

23
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:12,480
I'm not going to put my balls
in your hand, I did that once.

24
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:16,640
That's not bad.

25
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,080
Shit, man,
I didn't get you anything.

26
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,880
No, it's not an anniversary thing,
I don't want nothing in exchange.

27
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,520
Just don't lose it now, OK,
there's something special about it,

28
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,520
it can't be replaced.
Why?

29
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,040
You have to find out yourself.

30
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,680
Let's take a photo to mark
the occasion. Yeah, boy.

31
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,400
Up, down.

32
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,320
You got fuego, that's what they
call it in Spain - fuego, fire.

33
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,840
BOTH: Up, down, fuego.

34
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,520
You shut it like that.

35
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,440
There's nothing
worse on your anniversary

36
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,000
than bumping in to your
best friend's ex best friend.

37
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,680
Gavin fucking Madigan.

38
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,040
Jock.

39
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,320
Gavin fucking Madigan.

40
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,000
What are you doing
in our school, boy?

41
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,360
My school as well,
my mam's the new teacher,

42
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,920
we just moved back from Kilkenny.
Are you serious? Yeah.

43
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,760
This is the best news
I've heard all year.

44
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,200
Gav, this is Con, Con this is Gavin.
Nice to meet you, Gavin.

45
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,120
Nice to meet you, Tom.

46
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,840
It's Con, like Conor.
Chill out, boy.

47
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,480
We were best friends
in primary school.

48
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,080
You WERE best friends?

49
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,080
Me and Jock are best friends now,
so...

50
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,760
What?
We have that in common, like.

51
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:34,960
Did you say something?

52
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,920
Look, I brought a photo
we took before.

53
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,880
Thought you might get
a craic out of it.

54
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,840
My God, the size of us, boy.

55
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,840
Tom, do us a favour, read the back
of that, will you? Con...

56
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,760
"Best friends forever.

57
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,520
"Signed..."

58
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,560
Look, that's your signature
there and that's mine.

59
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,800
You kept this that whole time!
Obviously.

60
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,400
Remember, we took it up in Bell's
Field, on Jock and Gavin's bench.

61
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,920
It's Jock and Con's bench now.

62
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:07,760
CON LAUGHS

63
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,000
You know?

64
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,480
All right, how you getting on?

65
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,520
And how are these two beautiful,
intelligent looking women?

66
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,280
Ouch! Squeeze me so hard!

67
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,160
Siobhan, Linda,
this is my pal Gavin.

68
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,960
Nice to meet you.
BOTH: Nice to meet you too.

69
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:26,960
Skegs.

70
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,160
Principal Walsh is like a dog
with a boner lately

71
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,080
when it comes to
theft on the school grounds.

72
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,920
From now on, anyone caught stealing

73
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:36,520
so much as a paperclip will be
expelled without question.

74
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,240
It all started last month when the

75
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,280
foreign exchange students were over.

76
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,680
They came for a week

77
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,960
and all they left with were
the clothes on their back.

78
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,320
Did you give Conor the present?

79
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,400
Con, give us a light
there, will you?

80
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,640
No bother at all.

81
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,760
Wait...

82
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,880
Give us a look, Tom.

83
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:06,080
It's Con...

84
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,240
Ah, sweet.

85
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,360
Did you see that?

86
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:13,400
All right.

87
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,160
Gav, did you give me
back my lighter?

88
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,520
What? I gave it back to you.

89
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,080
Quit the shit, all right,
give me back my lighter.

90
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,400
What's going on?

91
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,920
I gave him his lighter outside,

92
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,320
he's obviously just freaking
because he lost it.

93
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:37,480
What the fuck, Con.

94
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,360
I didn't lose it,
he's after stealing it.

95
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,480
Jesus Christ, Conor,
would you watch your mouth?

96
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,440
You know better than to use
that word in here.

97
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,640
Who's stealing what? Jesus.

98
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:46,840
Eh...

99
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:49,880
No-one's stealing nothing.
I heard you say steal.

100
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,640
Nah. Nah.

101
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,280
Didn't say that.

102
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,200
Steel, that's what you...

103
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,080
Yeah. Steal.

104
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:04,280
Yeah, sorry, I was saying
Gav's... Gav's...

105
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,000
Gav's biceps are like steel.

106
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,880
Here, Tom, feel my steel.

107
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,520
Yeah?

108
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,800
Oh, fuck, that's quite the...

109
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,920
..quite the form you got there.

110
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:21,240
Stronger than steel, it's like The
Rock, The Rock, Dwayne "The Rock"...

111
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,960
'Do know what, maybe me

112
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,840
'worrying about Gavin trying to
take my place is all in my head.'

113
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,960
May the best man win.

114
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,400
Wait, what did you say?
What?

115
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,880
You just said something to me.

116
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,080
Who?
You did.

117
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,680
No, no, I didn't.

118
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,920
No, I was right. He's a prick.

119
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,800
Get out of the way.

120
00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,040
Get up, that's my table.

121
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,200
Did you build it?

122
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,760
No, but my name's carved
into the desk right there.

123
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,640
Con.

124
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,160
What are you doing, boy?

125
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,440
It's his first day, just let him
set there for the class.

126
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,720
Fine, but he stole my lighter,
and he's a fucking prick.

127
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,000
I can hear you. Yeah, good, shut up.

128
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,000
Will you stop with this
jealousy stuff, boy?

129
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,240
You got nothing to worry about,
just relax.

130
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:30,680
Sorry.

131
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,240
"Thanks, Linda,
thanks for saving me a seat,

132
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,080
"you're such a wonderful
girlfriend."

133
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,680
No?

134
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:42,720
Yeah, so.

135
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,840
Mam and Sgt Healy have been fighting
like an old married couple lately.

136
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:55,920
So she suggested they give
each other a little bit of space.

137
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,000
Do you mind?

138
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,440
No, no, course not.

139
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,640
Fucking weirdos.

140
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,280
What the fuck, Tony.

141
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,160
What the fuck, yourself.

142
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,080
If I'm working, I'm working.

143
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,160
Can't be stopping to whisper
sweet nothings to you

144
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,400
just because you're feeling
a bit needy.

145
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,560
When you're on duty, I expect you to
treat me the very same.

146
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,840
All right?

147
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,240
Fuck's sake.

148
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,600
It's great to be
back at this school teaching

149
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,280
where I was a pupil not so long ago.

150
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,040
I probably know
most of your parents.

151
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,680
It's a pity most of them aren't
doing very well for themselves.

152
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,680
But don't let that
discourage any of you.

153
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,880
I moved my son Gavin with me
to the school

154
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,760
so I mustn't think the place
is all that bad.

155
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:45,800
Gavin, stand up.

156
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:51,880
Introduce yourself.

157
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:00,440
Eh...

158
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,040
My name is Gavin.
Speak up.

159
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,440
I said...

160
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,800
My name is Gavin Madigan.

161
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,480
Fucksake, Mam.
Watch your language.

162
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,480
I was sitting there.

163
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,720
Get up.
Sit somewhere else, Gavin.

164
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:26,920
Just seeing how you're settling in,
Miss Madigan.

165
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,440
Great, Principal Walsh.

166
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,840
I just wanted to have a word with
you about the staff female toilets

167
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,440
and the used condom on the floor...
Let's discuss this outside.

168
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:38,360
Right. Everyone, open your textbooks
on page one and start reading.

169
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,040
Quietly.

170
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,360
Thank God she's gone.

171
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,160
Get up.

172
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,280
Make me.

173
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,400
Get your damn ball off
me fucking shoulder.

174
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,920
I will, when you get
up off my fucking chair.

175
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,560
That's it, I claim you.

176
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,080
ALL, QUIETLY: Fight,
fight, fight, fight.

177
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,640
LOUDLY: Fight, fight, fight, fight.

178
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:09,760
Shh!

179
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,240
What? I can't whisper. So don't say
anything, so, you bollock.

180
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,640
Fight, fight, fight, fight.

181
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,360
Name the time
and the place.

182
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:24,200
After school by the bonfire spot
outside the housing estate.

183
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,760
Right. Right. OK. OK.
Let's do this.

184
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,280
Let's do it then.
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.

185
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,360
Hold me back.

186
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,720
You're fuckin' lucky.

187
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,240
You're lucky he's holding you.

188
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,840
CROWD SHOUTS

189
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,200
Knocknaheeney rules.

190
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,800
So what are they?
There's only one rule.

191
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,280
Someone dies,
no-one says who did it.

192
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,360
Listen, lads, a lot of good
friendships start with people

193
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,240
punching the heads off each other,
like Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed.

194
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,360
So this might be a good thing.
I'll leave you to it.

195
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,920
I just don't want to see me buddies
kill each other, yeah.

196
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,480
Good luck, boys.

197
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,320
Come on now, boys.

198
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,840
CROWD SHOUTS

199
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,520
Fucking hit him.

200
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,920
That's it, Conor, you've got this.

201
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,280
Hit him.

202
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,920
You look like a fucking ballerina.

203
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,240
Ballerinas are pure muscles.

204
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,600
Hit him in the knob.

205
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,280
Hit him!

206
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,680
CROWD GROANS

207
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,240
Tom wears granny knickers.

208
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:58,920
The name's Con.

209
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,200
They're not me granny knickers,
they're me mam's.

210
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,760
I'm just borrowing them for a day.

211
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,080
Does your mam not wear sexy
knickers like normal people?

212
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,560
I'll have you know my mam
wears very sexy knickers.

213
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:11,160
These are just her day off knickers
for watching TV.

214
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,280
She wears her sexy
knickers at work, like.

215
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:16,200
What does she work as, a hooker?
CROWD GASPS

216
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,960
That's it, Madigan.
You're toast.

217
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,880
CROWD SHOUTS

218
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,080
Time to go. Come on.

219
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,160
He's getting tired.
He's passing out.

220
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,600
He's going down.
Nearly there.

221
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,920
Come on, boy.

222
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,040
Do you want me to wait for you?

223
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,480
No, it's grand,
I'm going to finish him now.

224
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,760
No, I'm going to finish you.

225
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,960
Just give up, boy.
Say mercy.

226
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,880
You say mercy.
You say mercy.

227
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,440
We're all alone.
Everyone's gone, boy. Yeah.

228
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:13,400
How about I just count to three
and on three, we just let go? Right?

229
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:17,240
Yeah. OK. BOTH: One, two, three.

230
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,920
Say mercy! No! Say mercy. No!

231
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:25,600
I shall never give up!
I will never...

232
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,880
Say mercy! I will never say mercy!
Argh! Mercy! Mercy!

233
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,640
HE LAUGHS

234
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,040
What are you doing
getting into fights anyway?

235
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,960
You can't let fucking
idiots like that get to you.

236
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,920
A huge part about growing up
is about sometimes being the bigger person.

237
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,920
Aye, I know. You're right.

238
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,160
Just this guy's such a dickhead.

239
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,960
What did he say that got you
so wound up?

240
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,600
Fucking lots of things, like...

241
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,120
He called you a...called you
a whore.

242
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,080
What was that? I said he called you
a whore.

243
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,080
Or was it a hooker?

244
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:17,360
But, no, you're right.
I won't let it get to me.

245
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,080
I'll be the bigger man from now on.
WATER GURGLES

246
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,920
Don't do anything mental now,
all right? His mam's a teacher.

247
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,280
I don't want this making things
worse for me in school.

248
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,640
Don't worry, I won't. I'll just have
a quick word with her.

249
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,680
No doubt she's a civilised person.

250
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:38,000
And I'll leave her to deal with her
son in whatever way she sees fit.

251
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:52,360
Mairead McSweeney!
It's been far too long.

252
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,880
Nancy Madigan.
What a pleasant surprise.

253
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,440
How'd you know her? We're old school
buddies, isn't that right?

254
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,320
FORCED LAUGHTER

255
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:08,560
So we're all friends. Fancy that.
Fancy that.

256
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,760
Nancy couldn't make
any of her own friends,

257
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,040
on account of having a rotten
personality.

258
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,960
So she stole my friend instead.

259
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,440
Her name was Francesca, and I do
believe she was my friend first.

260
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,800
No, she wasn't, silly.
She was my friend first.

261
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,760
You see, Gavin, Mairead only thought
Francesca was her friend first

262
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,240
but Francesca told me she didn't
like Mairead all that much.

263
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,800
So even though she knew her first,
they weren't friends first.

264
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,560
The devil's in the detail, let
bygones be bygones, blah, blah, blah. She was my friend first.

265
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,920
Now, what's this you're coming
to my house all about?

266
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:42,400
It turns out your son Gavin has been
saying nasty things about me to Conor.

267
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:46,000
Yeah. Gavin, is that true?
Oh, yeah. I called her a whore.

268
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,600
Is there anything else you wanted?

269
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,680
I want an apology. Now.

270
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,600
Well, you're not going to get
one from me or my son.

271
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,200
So why don't you take that little
scumbag son of yours

272
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:03,640
and go back to that tip of a house
you live in and get off my property?

273
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,000
SCREAMS
Fuck!

274
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,360
You're after breaking my nose! Come
back here and I'll fix it for you.

275
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:13,160
What's going on?
She's after breaking my nose with her big smelly fish hands!

276
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,800
Fish don't have hands,
so that makes no sense.

277
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,120
Stop brushing me tits with your
broom!

278
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,720
You wish! I'm not brushing, I'm
pushing.

279
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,520
Pushing me tits with your broom!

280
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,520
Argh! Nancy!

281
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,840
SHOUTS

282
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,200
Argh! Get off, you psycho bitch!

283
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,760
Stop banging my mum with
your broomstick or I'll shove it up your bumhole.

284
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,720
I'd like to see you try,
you small little fuck!

285
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,360
THEY SHOUT

286
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,960
Get your fingers out of me nostrils!

287
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:48,560
Argh!

288
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,040
Get off my fucking wife!
Nobody touches my fucking wife!

289
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:56,600
That's my fucking arm, you toad!

290
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,000
So, who'd like to explain to me
what happened?

291
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,640
I called for a conversation.
A conversation!

292
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,240
THEY TALK OVER ONE ANOTHER
I swear...

293
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:14,720
They started it. We didnar fuck!
They started it!

294
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,000
And she's a cunt,
the husband has pubes for hair

295
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,920
and their son is a prick.

296
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,280
I'm sick of this. Sort this out,
will you, Tony?

297
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:26,240
I want to go home and put the dinner
on. Come on. Just one second, there.

298
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,400
Something I don't quite get.

299
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,760
If they started it, yeah,
how come you're outside their house?

300
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,560
What are you doing? I'm on duty.

301
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:46,560
So who hit who first? She poked me.
OK, but who hit who first?

302
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,120
Name?

303
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,600
Say Stephanie.

304
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,120
Lying dickhead snakes always
reveal themselves

305
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,720
when you play truth or dare.

306
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:11,600
Gavin. They never choose truth.

307
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:15,160
I choose dare, obviously. See?

308
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:19,200
I dare you to steal something
from a teacher. MANY: Ooh!

309
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,560
Don't be a prick, he'll get chucked
out of the school

310
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:26,040
if he gets caught for that. It's his
own fault. He chose dare himself.

311
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,520
Don't worry about it, Jock.
I got this.

312
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,320
Please get caught.
Please get caught.

313
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:52,600
Gavin. What you on about? I didn't
do nothing. What? Do me a favour.

314
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,760
Hold on to my handbag
while I use the toilet?

315
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,200
How the women manage to get piss on
the floor in there I'll never know.

316
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:17,280
Who did you get that off? Me mam.
That's a copout. How is it?

317
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,720
She's a teacher, I robbed
something from her. Job done.

318
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,680
To be fair, she's teacher, like.

319
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,400
It's true. Now it's my turn.

320
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,840
Hm. Who will I pick?

321
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,040
Linda. What?

322
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:44,040
Truth or dare? Erm... Pick truth.
Always pick truth.

323
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,080
Dare. What are you doing?

324
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:50,280
I don't mind doing a stupid dare
but I'm not revealing my darkest secrets to half the school.

325
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,400
I dare you...

326
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,400
..to kiss me for five seconds.

327
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,000
MANY: Ooh! You can't do that! Why?

328
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,280
A dare's a dare, boy.
She has to do it anyway. Chill out.

329
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,800
You can't do it, Lis. I don't have a
choice. A dare's a dare.

330
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,760
It's just a kiss, it'll be over
in a second. Five fucking seconds.

331
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,600
One hippopotamus,
two hippopotamus...

332
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:27,920
..three hippopotamus...
MANY: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

333
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,880
CHANTING CONTINUES

334
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:43,440
MANY: One, two...

335
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:49,160
..three, four, five.

336
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,240
THEY CHEER

337
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,480
 I never thought
that I could be so bold

338
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,360
 To even say these thoughts
aloud... 

339
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,400
Conor! Conor!

340
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,480
Can we not just talk about this,
please?

341
00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,000
I have said everything
I need to say.

342
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,560
I can put up with your preachiness,
your neediness,

343
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,920
the fact that you're a fumbling
idiot in bed...

344
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:26,000
..but the one thing I can't put up
with is you not being on my side.

345
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,880
Even when you're
clearly in the wrong?

346
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,160
Especially when I'm in the wrong!

347
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,360
That's when I need you to back me
up the most!

348
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,880
It's over.

349
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,320
Conor. Conor!

350
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,920
He used tongue, not me.

351
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:55,200
Your tongue touched his tongue,
therefore you both used tongue.

352
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,360
His saliva's all over your lips,
Linda,

353
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,480
and your chin and your cheeks.

354
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,360
It's his, not mine!

355
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:16,760
There once was a guy who would do
anything for you...

356
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,920
..and now he is gone.

357
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:25,560
I can fix this. It's over.

358
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,520
My class is this way.

359
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,040
Listen, everyone.
Sponsor me now for my skipathon.

360
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,880
You won't regret it when I'm filling
in the detention supervision roster.

361
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,800
Barry, my purse, it's not here.
Really, Nancy?

362
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,520
Think we've all heard
that one before.

363
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,280
I was certain it was here this
morning.

364
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,000
Someone must have stolen it.

365
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,640
This is an emergency announcement.

366
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,160
The first I've had to make
this year.

367
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,080
Miss Madigan's pink pussy
purse has been stolen.

368
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,400
And it is for this reason I regret
to inform you the school

369
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:22,600
is officially on lockdown
and will remain that way until such

370
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,480
time as Miss Madigan's pink pussy
purse has been retrieved...

371
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,640
..and the perpetrator
has been punished.

372
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,720
Right, listen up. This is a raid.

373
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,080
A raid?

374
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:16,360
Principal Walsh,
we have our culprit.

375
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,600
The best way to sum up this kind
of conspiracy is...

376
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,520
What the fuck?

377
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,480
Does someone want to tell me
what this bullshit is? Nice.

378
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,120
Trust you to lower
the tone as usual, Mairead.

379
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,840
Do you want me to lower you,
like I did yesterday?

380
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,760
THEY LAUGH
OK, calm down, everyone.

381
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,320
Mairead, your son Conor's given me
no choice but to expel him.

382
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,360
He's been caught red-handed stealing
Miss Madigan's pink pussy purse.

383
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:49,320
No, but that wasn't him.
That was Gavin!

384
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,880
It wasn't even him,
it was Gavin. Gavin did it.

385
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,400
How do you explain the purse
getting into Conor's bag?

386
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,120
She planted it there to cover
up for her dickhead son.

387
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,880
Sounds like something Nancy Madigan
would do, all right. How dare you?

388
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,200
Like mother like son.
Liars, the pair of them.

389
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:11,240
I am a teacher, Principal Walsh.
And we all know teachers don't lie.

390
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,040
Can't argue with that.

391
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:18,000
Conor McSweeney, for the crime
of stealing Miss Madigan's pink pussy purse, you are expelled.

392
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,760
From this day forward you cannot set
foot on school grounds. What?

393
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:26,200
Fuck's... Are you seriously just
going to sit there and say nothing?

394
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,320
You're the one who took
the fucking thing.

395
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,000
You're pathetic, boy.

396
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,320
I did it. Not him. So expel me.

397
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,080
Jock, if you have any cop on you
will sit down and shut the hell up.

398
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,600
Principal Walsh, you can't have one
rule for your son-in-law

399
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,640
and another rule for everyone
else in the school.

400
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,840
He's not my son-in-law
and he didn't do it!

401
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,640
He's just covering
up for his idiot sidekick.

402
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,400
If you expel him you're going
to have to expel me too.

403
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,920
I decide who gets expelled, not you.
What if I expel myself?

404
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,880
You can't expel yourself.
I'm in charge here.

405
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,360
And you couldn't get me
to expel you if you tried.

406
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,960
Do you want to bet?

407
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,280
Fuck you, Principal Walsh.

408
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,800
You big fucking creep.
"Oh, look. Where's the paedophile?

409
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,480
"Oh, there he is. You big paedo."

410
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,560
Nice try. You're not expelled.

411
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:29,160
The thing about myself and Jock that
that dickhead Gavin Madigan would never understand...

412
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:34,480
Jock! ..is we stick together
no matter how stupid a decision the other one makes.

413
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,360
Conor! Because that's what
best friends do.

414
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:39,680
THEY WHOOP

415
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,560
Lads, what are you doing?

416
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,520
THEY CHEER

417
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:48,480
What are you two doing in my TV
knickers? Ours were in the wash.

418
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,280
They're not expelled.
But you do have detention every day for the next three years,

419
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,000
writing lines backwards in Irish.

420
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,480
Fine. It's warm in here, isn't it?
Oh, Jesus.

421
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,080
THEY CHEER

422
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,800
LAUGHTER

423
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,720
Fuck that! Fucking hell!

424
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,240
Put them back on. Lads.

425
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,280
Yeah! Woo!

426
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,120
Not expelled. Watch.

427
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,320
You're going to watch us naked
dance.

428
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,240
You're going to watch us naked
dance. You know you want to.

429
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,280
It has no effect on me. If you don't
expel us, the police will get you.

430
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,240
Whatever you do, don't look down,
Barry. Have a quick peep, go on.

431
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,280
What's that in the corner? Is it
a plane?

432
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,080
Oh no, it's a helicopter.

433
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:38,480
Jock, are you there? Mayday, Mayday.
Starting up engines.

434
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,960
OK. We're going to be flying over
Empire State pretty soon.

435
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:47,000
Here we go, here we go.
I'm taking off. I'm taking off. Oh!

436
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:51,880
Last chance, Principal Walsh.
You're not the boss of me.

437
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,800
SPLATTER
Oh!

438
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,960
THEY LAUGH

439
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,520
THEY WHOOP

440
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,400
Expelled! You're expelled!

441
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,720
You're so, so, so, so expelled!

442
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,120
I have something to say. What?

443
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,720
It was me that took the pink pussy
purse. Gavin, shut up!

444
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,200
My mam planted it
when she found out that I took it.

445
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,120
Well, you can't have one
set of rules for pupils

446
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:40,000
and another for teachers,
Principal Walsh.

447
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,000
THEY CHANT: Kick her out!
Kick her out!

448
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,560
Does this mean we're not
expelled any more?

449
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,840
We'll... We'll just get our stuff.
Yeah.

450
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,720
I think you're standing on my pants.

451
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,400
Come on. When we get home you're
both fucking dead. Come on.

452
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,160
Jock and me are pretty proud that we
caused Nancy Madigan to be

453
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,680
the first teacher in the history
of our school to be expelled,

454
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,320
along with her dickhead son.

455
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,760
Gavin gave me this
to give back to you.

456
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,960
What a dick. Total dick, mate.
I should have listened to you.

457
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,160
You ever going to tell me
what's so special about it?

458
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,200
Pull out the inside, take a look.

459
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,400
READS MESSAGE

460
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,000
Thanks, boy.

461
00:29:13,050 --> 00:29:17,600
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